To Wear or Not to Wear (A Hijab Confession)

Female Intuition is a series I’ve started to tackle issues that women ought to have very pronounced opinions on. I feel that men express opinions and create ‘rules’ in regards women’s issues without fully understanding what women actually think and feel. I don’t identify as a feminist, but I do feel strongly about women’s issues and I strongly believe in the right of every woman to make decisions for herself.

If you have any suggestions for topics, feel free to leave and comment and check out the category here.

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Different parts of the world and different cultures/religions view feminine modesty in very different ways. As someone who grew up in a Muslim family, practiced the strict doctrines until I was about 19 and then subsequently left this belief system by way of a very painful epiphany – I feel I have the full experience of being a young woman who used to cover fully, to someone who dresses substantially more casually now. I would like to say that I was happy with my decision to wear what I did when I was young and I suppose there was some pressure, but there wasn’t anyone physically forcing me. I held the tenets and doctrines of Islam quite strictly back then and, looking back, I’m a very different person now. Now I don’t want to be associated with Islam, but it’s not like I’m running around naked. My views of modesty have changed and I’m dressing on my own terms – without the dictations of a religion or at the whims of another person.

What’s a Hijab?

To put it simply: a hijab – according to Islamic text, without the derision of society and culture – is a simple, opaque garment that is loose and ideally monochrome. It requires the wearer to be covered from head to toe, exposing only the face and hands. Some narrations require women to cover the face also, and this is veil is called the niqaab.
Many different Muslim women wear and interpret the hijab in different ways – some wear only the simple headscarf, others wear the full shebang. I wore the hijab from a very young age and started wearing the niqaab at age 12 through to 19. I would like to repeat that it was my own choice, through my own experimentation. I wanted to know what it felt like – without realising that I couldn’t actually take it off again without judgement from my family and my school-mates (I went to an Islamic school). But it didn’t bother me greatly, so I stuck to it.
I let go of my hijab and niqaab after 19, when I no longer thought that Islam – or any religion – was the truth. I studied religion in school and out of my own interest, and started to see flaws in the beliefs (and prejudices) that I held. I no longer wanted to be associated with religion. I had never known what it was like to not wear a hijab outside of my home. It was scary, but only because I thought someone who knew me might recognise me and start asking confrontational questions. It felt different. I could feel the wind in my hair, the rain on my skin. It’s a simple thing, but it felt so free. It was something that the men in my family felt all the time, and I was oblivious to it. Is that such a bad thing to want?

What Do Some Men Think?

After perusing some Islamic blogs – mainly Blogging Theology – I’ve come to understand that through the eyes of some men (Muslim men in this case) women only dress up to please them. You read right: according to this source and, I’d wager, similar sources: women only dress up to attract the attention of men.
Now, I feel that this is a dangerous mentality to have. Are women responsible for the men ogling at them because they decided to wear that dress or those earrings – or are men accountable for being creepy and staring?
We’ve all heard comments perpetuated by this mentality. We’ve heard “Oh, she had it coming in that skirt!” or “What was she expecting in that slutty dress?” We’ve heard it before from our menfolk and our womenfolk. It implies that the woman who was ogled, assaulted or even raped was somehow responsible for the actions of the man who mistreated her. This mentality has to stop. Men, and indeed all of us, are responsible for the things we do.

What Were the Effects of Wearing a Hijab on Me?

Before I comment on this, I would like to say that before I let it go – I was in full support of every woman wearing the hijab. I thought it was a great idea. I thought there wasn’t a better way to protect yourself from the prying eyes of evil men. I called it the “preventative measure”. I even wrote a whole speech about it in school and presented it before 100 students.
This was before I understood the freedom I felt when I could wear whatever I wanted.
I went through a lot of tough times in regards of my family life since I was about 14. I have depression and, frankly, wearing a hijab wasn’t good for me. It covered me up, yes, but if anyone was ever to attack me – they’d be repulsed. I never wanted to care of myself. And not low-key either – I would go to school wearing my hijab over my pyjamas, I would shower maximum once a week, I used to cut my hair every month to take out the knots because I never brushed it out. I would never get enough sleep, so I was too tired to deal with anything. I got fat, I didn’t care about my weight or my health – and it didn’t help that my family didn’t believe in the aid of doctors and pharmaceuticals. The hijab hid all of this.
And the older I got, the worse my condition got.
It was all covered up, why would I have to deal with it? It didn't matter. No-one cared. It's not like I was going anywhere special or doing anything extraordinary. After a few years, my parents would find some geezer to marry me off to. What did it matter? What's the value?
I genuinely feel sorry for those women who are oppressed because they’re forced to wear it; Those women who’ve never felt the warmth of the sun on their faces, who’ve never known the feeling of the elements on their raw skin. I wasn’t forced by anyone, but my blind faith in a piece of cloth worsened a condition that may have been killing me.
I was oppressing myself by wearing it.

Why Do Women Dress Up?

I’m not about to sit here and deny that women dress up to please a man. It’s a reason to get dressed up – but it is by no means the only reason. Women dress up mainly because it makes them feel good, it makes them more confident and, above all, it makes them happy. Colours make people happy – it’s not rocket science. I dye my hair different colours because when I wake up every morning and see it, it makes me smile. That’s a good enough reason to have that colour there.
People should do things that make them happy – not because they feel the have to, or because if they don’t they might get attack by some rabid, uncontrolled beast – and if it’s not harming anyone, then literally what is the harm?
Some men need to stop thinking so highly of themselves. Keep it in your pants. Women do not solely get up and dress in the morning to give you a hard on; women do it because it makes them feel damn fine. It expresses their personality, it gives them flair.
Is that so hard to believe?

Closing Statements

I have no issue with the hijab if the person wearing it has made the choice to wear it. I do have an issue with men forcing or scaring women into wearing something that they might not want to wear, because their jealous or paranoid or, sure, religious. Women do not dress to please men, not all the time and not exclusively. 9.9/10 it’s to make themselves feel good and feel happy.